Authenticity . . . it is something that is becoming far too rare. I am so grateful for the people in my life who show up authentically. I am even more grateful for the times when I am able and WILLING to show up as my authentic self.
For so long, my biggest concern was showing up as others "expected" me to (or, more accurately, as I thought they expected me to.) I have, for so many years of my life, wanted to be what others wanted me to be. I am so happy - and so frightened to be - showing up as who I am . . . as my authentic self.
I have long thought that I should be what others want . . . and it is so much of who I am, but contaminated by what I think others need or desire. Isn't it laughable how we are, indeed, our own worst enemies? I am ready and anxious to be my own best friend.
When I am not being authentic, I find that I want to stay away from those who see me in my brilliance, who see my core, my authentic self. When I am trying to please, I end up ostracizing the people who love me the most. Counter-intuitive, don't you think?
To those of you who know me personally, thank you for being patient as I discover who I am without the story of who I think I should be. And, thank you for being my teachers of what it means to show up as authentic.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Bittersweet symphony
I love those perfect days, the ones where everything just seems to go your way. I had one of those yesterday. And, this morning, as I contemplated over my gratitude for the day, I realized that the sweetness I experienced yesterday was made so much more enjoyable by the bitterness I have encountered on previous days.
I am in a very introspective period of my life, and I am finally learning to embrace some of the things about myself that I have been at odds with. The "faults," the imperfections, the shadow, the darker parts of my being. I am learning that the more willing I am to embrace and accept my own darkness, the easier it is to love and accept others when they are in theirs. It is the bitter components of us humans that make our brilliance that much sweeter.
I am not advocating or experimenting with dwelling in or focusing on the shadow, but my observation is that the more aware I am, the more forgiving I am, the more accepting I am of the shadow, the more I am able to embrace and recognize the light. In acknowledging the negative, I am able to begin the enterprise of healing it. It makes Oprah's advice possible, "turn your wounds into wisdom."
I am grateful for the "bitter." It is the tears, sleepless nights, doubts, fears, and pain that make the joy more intense and meaningful, and take me closer to fulfilling my soul's purpose.
I am in a very introspective period of my life, and I am finally learning to embrace some of the things about myself that I have been at odds with. The "faults," the imperfections, the shadow, the darker parts of my being. I am learning that the more willing I am to embrace and accept my own darkness, the easier it is to love and accept others when they are in theirs. It is the bitter components of us humans that make our brilliance that much sweeter.
I am not advocating or experimenting with dwelling in or focusing on the shadow, but my observation is that the more aware I am, the more forgiving I am, the more accepting I am of the shadow, the more I am able to embrace and recognize the light. In acknowledging the negative, I am able to begin the enterprise of healing it. It makes Oprah's advice possible, "turn your wounds into wisdom."
I am grateful for the "bitter." It is the tears, sleepless nights, doubts, fears, and pain that make the joy more intense and meaningful, and take me closer to fulfilling my soul's purpose.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
New York minute
It only takes seconds for a few words to fall on your ears . . . words like "I never want to see you again," "I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do," "You have cancer," . . . And in those seconds, your world can turn upside down. In a moment of chaotic clarity, you become well aware that life, as you now know it, will never be the same. There is no turning back.
In these moments, these monumental instances, is where we have the opportunity to truly know ourselves, to face our fears, our weaknesses, our strengths, our shadow, our light. This is where we learn what we are capable of, and we grow or we wither.
In a New York minute, everything can change . . . and through gratitude, love and an open heart, it can always be for the better. Adversity can be our greatest teacher, or crippling enemy, it is always our choice.
It only takes seconds for everything to change. However, it also only takes seconds for words like, "I can do this!" "I've got your back," "I forgive you," "I understand," "I love you," "You are not alone" . . . to fall on the same ears and land in the same heart.
In these moments, these monumental instances, is where we have the opportunity to truly know ourselves, to face our fears, our weaknesses, our strengths, our shadow, our light. This is where we learn what we are capable of, and we grow or we wither.
In a New York minute, everything can change . . . and through gratitude, love and an open heart, it can always be for the better. Adversity can be our greatest teacher, or crippling enemy, it is always our choice.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
This is your life
I have been privileged to serve on a staff for a training for 20 teens over the past three days. It was an amazing, uplifting and inspiring experience. I find, at times, that I fall into the trap of invalidating the opinions, concerns, insights and voices of children, especially teenage children. I am so clear, in this moment, that I am totally ripping myself off when I do.
These teens came from all different walks of life, and yet they had one thing in common - a desire to be accepted. Sadly, many of them also shared in common a belief that they would never be accepted for who they are. They walked in Thursday afternoon as strangers -fairly closed, mostly untrusting, a little frightened and somewhat resistant. They walked out on Saturday night as a group of friends, trusting themselves and each other, knowing who they are, and having an idea of their worth.
Over the three days, these kids dug deep and showed up huge, for each other, and more importantly, for themselves. They stepped through fear and found their demons. Watching them conquer the things that hold them back in life was an incredible inspiration to me. I walked away a better person for having witnessed their transformation.
There was a song played during the training, the lyrics of which were very significant: "This is your life, are you who you want to be?" We have one life, one shot to be who we want to be. In the end, they were each seeking to be loved, respected and accepted for who they are. Isn't that what we all want? This is YOUR life . . .
These teens came from all different walks of life, and yet they had one thing in common - a desire to be accepted. Sadly, many of them also shared in common a belief that they would never be accepted for who they are. They walked in Thursday afternoon as strangers -fairly closed, mostly untrusting, a little frightened and somewhat resistant. They walked out on Saturday night as a group of friends, trusting themselves and each other, knowing who they are, and having an idea of their worth.
Over the three days, these kids dug deep and showed up huge, for each other, and more importantly, for themselves. They stepped through fear and found their demons. Watching them conquer the things that hold them back in life was an incredible inspiration to me. I walked away a better person for having witnessed their transformation.
There was a song played during the training, the lyrics of which were very significant: "This is your life, are you who you want to be?" We have one life, one shot to be who we want to be. In the end, they were each seeking to be loved, respected and accepted for who they are. Isn't that what we all want? This is YOUR life . . .
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Heal over
I think it is human nature to try to avoid pain. I know that when I am hurting, whether physically or emotionally, my first inclination is to seek comfort. With comfort and assuagement as my goal, I have turned to many things, from food to denial. Many - actually, most of those things have lead to a different kind of pain rather than consolation of any sort.
I have recently discovered the value in sitting with the pain and discomfort. I have a new appreciation for sorrow, and I've realized that I cannot truly let it go until I have thoroughly felt it and experienced its depth. I am not advocating depression, victimhood or hopelessness. In fact, I am finding that the more open I am to experiencing whatever emotion is coming up in the moment, the more joyful and peaceful I am.
When we experience loss, it is natural to grieve. I am learning that trying to avoid or alleviate the grief is only suppressing the anguish where it can fester and become harmful. Grieving is the organic process by which our hearts heal over. The depth of the sorrow is a direct path to the height of joy. The more profound the sadness, the greater the love.
I am grateful for the sorrow, heartache, grief and pain I have and will feel. When I can find gratitude in the gravity of despair I can find peace.
I have recently discovered the value in sitting with the pain and discomfort. I have a new appreciation for sorrow, and I've realized that I cannot truly let it go until I have thoroughly felt it and experienced its depth. I am not advocating depression, victimhood or hopelessness. In fact, I am finding that the more open I am to experiencing whatever emotion is coming up in the moment, the more joyful and peaceful I am.
When we experience loss, it is natural to grieve. I am learning that trying to avoid or alleviate the grief is only suppressing the anguish where it can fester and become harmful. Grieving is the organic process by which our hearts heal over. The depth of the sorrow is a direct path to the height of joy. The more profound the sadness, the greater the love.
I am grateful for the sorrow, heartache, grief and pain I have and will feel. When I can find gratitude in the gravity of despair I can find peace.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)