I am currently writing the biography of an AMAZING individual.  Below are the first few paragraphs from the introduction.  I stand in gratitude of this incredible opportunity.  I hope to write a book that is honest, inspiring, uplifting and honoring.  Let me know your thoughts.  Thanks!

Everyone reaches a point in their life when they have to decide whether to rise to their potential or fall into mediocrity.  For some, these moments pass by without notice or thought until retrospection brings clarity.  For others, these moments are monumental.  Often, we are given ancillary opportunities to chose to ascend to our promise or opt for mere survival.  It is a rare individual that faces multiple such junctures and continually chooses to strive toward greatness, to follow an inner drive to be the best version of themselves, to fill “the gap between what one is and what one should become.” 

Gary Lee Price is one of those exceptional beings.  He has faced many challenges in his 57 years, like most of us on this earthly plane.  What separates him is not so much his suffering, but what he has done with it, and his continual determination to progress and evolve.  He has found what Viktor Frankl maintained was our purpose for living, he has found the meaning in his suffering.

Gary is a gifted sculptor, altruistic humanitarian and the artist commissioned to create the Statue of Responsibility.

  His life is remarkable in the art he has created, and yet his mastery in artistic pursuits is paled by his proficiency in the craft of inspiration.  Though it would be easy to conjecture that art is the essence of Gary’s life, upon examination and assessment, one will find that Gary’s life is the essence of his art.

The value of a broken heart

We have all felt it . . . the pain that seems unbearable, the ache that cannot be assuaged, the collapse that feels cataclysmic.  If you are like me, a great deal of time is spent cursing the events, people and things that bring it about . . . heartbreak.  But I have come to find gratitude for the thing I have despised most in life.  I have grown to relish the comments, slights, misunderstandings, and rejection that bring about insufferable pain.  Why?  Because without the overpowering grief; without the unendurable sadness, I would not know the height of joy that comes from the love that cultivated the soil such immense pain could thrive in.

And so, the next time my heart is broken, I will curse and wail and cry and feel as if death were a kinder path.  And then, I will stand in gratitude for whatever or whomever has brought it about, because in the tattered remains of my heart, I will know that I am better off for having loved deeply and lost greatly than to have guarded myself against such turmoil by holding back.

I cannot measure the torment my heart has felt, and I cannot measure the value of having endured it.  I can only know that I am better for having loved . . . deeply . . . honestly . . . vulnerably.

Responsible party

The Price of Greatness is Responsibility (Winston Churchill)

There are countless quotes from brilliant masters of literature, philosophy and politics that drive home the importance of responsible action.  The aforementioned quote, attributed to Winston Churchill, is one of my personal favorites.  I love it both for its simplicity, and for its truth.  There is no greatness achieved without payment of responsibility received.  And in ascribing greatness in his declaration, Churchill covered all of the important bases; freedom, success, victory, knowledge, purpose, etc.  Responsibility is essential to all of these achievements.

Who is responsible? Where is my responsibility?  Where is your responsibility?  Does it begin and end at our front doors?  I take care of “mine” and you take care of “yours?”  Responsibility, I contend, begins and ends at our fingertips.  It is an endless energy extending from our outreaching hand, and coming right back to ourselves.  We first take responsibility for our own actions, non-action and reactions, then we take responsibility for our fellow man.

When we inhale, we fully trust and expect that there is sufficient oxygen to fill our lungs.  Just as the Universe assumes responsibility for our capacity to breathe, so must we assume responsibility to be there for our compatriots.  It is in embracing our responsibility with compassion and gratitude that we will find our own greatness, as well as our communal greatness.

The real deal

Authenticity . . . it is something that is becoming far too rare.  I am so grateful for the people in my life who show up authentically.   I am even more grateful for the times when I am able and WILLING to show up as my authentic self.

For so long, my biggest concern was showing up as others "expected" me to (or, more accurately, as I thought they expected me to.)  I have, for so many years of my life, wanted to be what others wanted me to be.  I am so happy - and so frightened to be - showing up as who I am . . . as my authentic self.

I have long thought that I should be what others want . . . and it is so much of who I am, but contaminated by what I think others need or desire.  Isn't it laughable how we are, indeed, our own worst enemies?  I am ready and anxious to be my own best friend.

When I am not being authentic, I find that I want to stay away from those who see me in my brilliance, who see my core, my authentic self.  When I am trying to please, I end up ostracizing the people who love me the most.  Counter-intuitive, don't you think?

To those of you who know me personally, thank you for being patient as I discover who I am without the story of who I think I should be.  And, thank you for being my teachers of what it means to show up as authentic.

Bittersweet symphony

I love those perfect days, the ones where everything just seems to go your way.  I had one of those yesterday.  And, this morning, as I contemplated over my gratitude for the day, I realized that the sweetness I experienced yesterday was made so much more enjoyable by the bitterness I have encountered on previous days.

I am in a very introspective period of my life, and I am finally learning to embrace some of the things about myself that I have been at odds with.  The "faults," the imperfections, the shadow, the darker parts of my being.  I am learning that the more willing I am to embrace and accept my own darkness, the easier it is to love and accept others when they are in theirs.  It is the bitter components of us humans that make our brilliance that much sweeter.

I am not advocating or experimenting with dwelling in or focusing on the shadow, but my observation is that the more aware I am, the more forgiving I am, the more accepting I am of the shadow, the more I am able to embrace and recognize the light.  In acknowledging the negative, I am able to begin the enterprise of healing it.  It makes Oprah's advice possible, "turn your wounds into wisdom."

I am grateful for the "bitter."  It is the tears, sleepless nights, doubts, fears, and pain that make the joy more intense and meaningful, and take me closer to fulfilling my soul's purpose.

New York minute

It only takes seconds for a few words to fall on your ears . . . words like "I never want to see you again," "I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do," "You have cancer," . . .  And in those seconds, your world can turn upside down.  In a moment of chaotic clarity, you become well aware that life, as you now know it, will never be the same.  There is no turning back.

It only takes seconds for everything to change.  However, it also only takes seconds for words like, "I can do this!" "I've got your back," "I forgive you," "I understand," "I love you," "You are not alone" . . .  to fall on the same ears and land in the same heart. 

In these moments, these monumental instances, is where we have the opportunity to truly know ourselves, to face our fears, our weaknesses, our strengths, our shadow, our light.  This is where we learn what we are capable of, and we grow or we wither.

In a New York minute, everything can change . . . and through gratitude, love and an open heart, it can always be for the better.  Adversity can be our greatest teacher, or crippling enemy, it is always our choice.

This is your life

I have been privileged to serve on a staff for a training for 20 teens over the past three days.  It was an amazing, uplifting and inspiring experience.  I find, at times, that I fall into the trap of invalidating the opinions, concerns, insights and voices of children, especially teenage children.   I am so clear, in this moment, that I am totally ripping myself off when I do.

These teens came from all different walks of life, and yet they had one thing in common - a desire to be accepted.  Sadly, many of them also shared in common a belief that they would never be accepted for who they are.  They walked in Thursday afternoon as strangers -fairly closed, mostly untrusting, a little frightened and somewhat resistant.  They walked out on Saturday night as a group of friends, trusting themselves and each other, knowing who they are, and having an idea of their worth.

Over the three days, these kids dug deep and showed up huge, for each other, and more importantly, for themselves.  They stepped through fear and found their demons.  Watching them conquer the things that hold them back in life was an incredible inspiration to me.  I walked away a better person for having witnessed their transformation.

There was a song played during the training, the lyrics of which were very significant: "This is your life, are you who you want to be?"  We have one life, one shot to be who we want to be.  In the end, they were each seeking to be loved, respected and accepted for who they are.  Isn't that what we all want?  This is YOUR life . . .

Heal over

I think it is human nature to try to avoid pain.  I know that when I am hurting, whether physically or emotionally, my first inclination is to seek comfort.  With comfort and assuagement as my goal, I have turned to many things, from food to denial.  Many - actually, most of those things have lead to a different kind of pain rather than consolation of any sort.

I have recently discovered the value in sitting with the pain and discomfort.  I have a new appreciation for sorrow, and I've realized that I cannot truly let it go until I have thoroughly felt it and experienced its depth.  I am not advocating depression, victimhood or hopelessness.  In fact, I am finding that the more open I am to experiencing whatever emotion is coming up in the moment, the more joyful and peaceful I am.

When we experience loss, it is natural to grieve.  I am learning that trying to avoid or alleviate the grief is only suppressing the anguish where it can fester and become harmful.  Grieving is the organic process by which our hearts heal over.  The depth of the sorrow is a direct path to the height of joy.  The more profound the sadness, the greater the love.

I am grateful for the sorrow, heartache, grief and pain I have and will feel.  When I can find gratitude in the gravity of despair I can find peace.

Ashes to ashes

I stood around a roaring fire last night with a group of friends and family . . . some of us are connected by blood, all of us are connected by spirit.  I watched in awe as the flames danced in a blue and orange pirouette over the red glowing embers of erstwhile trees.  The face of a loved one looks different in the light cast by a fire.

Though the heat and flames of this fire were used to warm cold bodies on a winter's night, and toast marshmallows for a few, it was built for a very specific reason.  It was created in reverence and made sacred in beautiful ritual.  This would be a refiners' fire.

We all had things to let go of . . . things that perhaps had once served, but no longer did . . . things that weighed us down . . . things that have held us back . . . things that have been painful.  One at a time we stepped forward and placed our slips of paper in the fire, each slip representing something we were ready to release.  Each slip epitomized freedom as it was consumed in the blaze.  The curling smoke carried away the subjection and ramifications of the thoughts, experiences, beliefs and attachments we discharged in the fire.

With lightened hearts, we then stepped up to the fire again, this time declaring our intentions of creation.  We put our hearts, dreams and aspirations into the fire and proclaimed our vision.  Surrounded by the love, support and gratitude of others, we refined our spirits in the conflagration.  It was a beautiful renewal, and it is a brand new day.

So blessed

I am realizing more each day how blessed I truly am.  I have love beyond belief, flowing to and from my heart.  I have an amazing family and a circle of incredible friends.  I have imagination and creativity.  I have humor and sensitivity.  I have a curious mind.  I have gifts and talents.  I have the beautiful gift of incredible teachers in my life.  I have difficult times, pain, disappointment and heartache . . . all of which have brought me invaluable treasures.  I have life . . . I am so blessed.

For the love

I have a friend that often says, "Oh, for the love!"  It makes me smile, as it is usually uttered in response to something myself or others think is funny that is likely a little juvenile.  Anyway, I was thinking of that friend this morning, and I was struck by the truth and power of the statement.  "For the love."

We put time and effort into relationships . . . for the love.  We work on improving our lives and the lives of others . . . for the love.  We seek continued spiritual growth . . . for the love.  We give and we receive . . . for the love.  We laugh, cry, hope, worry and pray . . . for the love.

Today I am grateful for the love . . . the love of life, the love of others, the love of myself . . . the love I give and receive . . . the love that I am at my core.  I am grateful for the love!

Dragon roll

Happy New Year!  It is the year of the dragon.  In Chinese tradition, the dragon is said to bring good fortune and intense power.  The dragon embodies passion, independence and ambition.  In the year of the dragon, we are encouraged to let go of old ways of thinking, release what is stagnant and create some waves.

I have been learning a great deal about the patterns, beliefs and behaviors that have kept me stuck recently.  I am excited to move into this new year with a renewed belief in the power of change.  Letting go of things that no longer work in my life is challenging, yet so liberating.  Being unencumbered by anachronistic beliefs and unhealthy patterns frees me to pursue new goals and create new dreams.  It also opens my heart and mind to new levels of service to my community.

I am grateful for the lessons of this past year, though many have been painful and at times seemed harsh.  I have gained a new appreciation for the provisional nature of all things . . . circumstances, relationships, mortality . . . and am thankful to be reminded of the power of the present moment.  It is my fervent hope that this year I will love deeper in the moment, and lose attachment to past and future repercussions of loving.  I intend on continuing a life lived in gratitude and awe.

I am ready to make some waves!

Forgiveness

"Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." - Hannah More

I have been fortunate enough to learn that forgiving others of any perceived grievance or wrong doing I might imagine is a beautiful gift to myself.  I have found the joy and freedom in forgiveness.  I am finding that I still long to be forgiven by others . . . but I realize that it is not so much for my own comfort, though I admit there is comfort in being forgiven, but it is for their comfort.  I so want those that I love to be peaceful and experience joy.

It is with a humbled heart that I ask . . . please, forgive me.

Still still still

Life can become hectic, arduous and overwhelming.  I am grateful to be learning that it is my thoughts about the events in my life, and not the events themselves that create the stress.  Two things have become integral tools in reducing the stress and finding the truth that I am safe on this planet.  Those two things are breathing and gratitude.

It seems simple, and yet it can be challenging.  Breathing is automatic, it is connecting with my breath and slowing down to feel the oxygen fill my lungs and travel through my body to every cell that takes conscious effort.  But it is amazing to me how quickly purposeful breathing can calm my mind, relax my body and initiate peace within me.

From that space, finding gratitude is much more feasible, and gratitude - for me - is the key to a joyful, peaceful, loving existence.  Becoming still, I can find the knowing that I am safe, blessed and loved.  Ahhhhhh . . .

Breaking bad

Everybody has a bad day now and then.  I am grateful that my bad days are getting to be farther and farther between.  However, what they lack for in quantity, they make up for in intensity.  Not all bad days are paralyzing, but some are a struggle to recover from.

When I am centered, grounded and at peace it seems unimaginable to lose touch with the gratitude that sustains my positive outlook on life.  But there are days when I do lose touch with it, and they can be quite painful.  At those times, it seems impossible to get back into the state of being grateful for anything, especially those things that are connected to my sadness or distress. These are the moments when gratitude is truly integral in life.

Without the resilience to search for gratitude, it could be easy for me to fall into a pattern of self-pity, self-loathing or victimhood when faced with a bad day.  When one bad day becomes two, it creates momentum in a negative direction.  Breaking the pattern of negativity with gratitude has been one of the biggest blessings in my life.  Gratitude is my way of breaking bad.

Heal me

Healing comes in many forms . . . a bandage, a hug, surgery, energy work, physical therapy, a massage, the laughter of a child . . . the list could go on and on.  There are as many healing modalities as there are reasons for the need to heal.

I have discovered that healing not only comes in various embodiments, but manifests in diverse ways.  Sometimes healing means recovery and recuperation.  Sometimes it means forgiving and moving on.  Sometimes it means embracing what is and loving the reality of your life.  No matter the form or process, healing hinges on openness and reception.

When faced with serious illness, tragic events or a broken heart, it may seem difficult or impossible to heal.  But as I have opened up to the possibilities, and lost my attachment to what healing looks like, I have found that healing is always possible and available.  And the most important aspect to healing, in my experience, is belief . . . belief in ones' self, and belief in the method of healing you practice, employ or apply.  Believing that things can and will get better, and letting go of what that looks like, is an amazing gift I can give myself.

What I have come to be grateful for is my understanding that healing is less about reclaiming a previous ideal, and more about spiritual growth and development, and finding joy in any circumstance.  Do I believe in miracles?  Absolutely!  And they are happening around us always.  The miracle can be complete recovery or loving what is.  Whatever it looks like, we can all be healed.

Grace and gratitude

The most fervent prayers of my youth were for an easier life.  Even until recently, I hoped for, asked for and sought to ameliorate suffering . . . my own and that of others.  I used to think that all suffering was needless, and that struggle was some sort of punishment or repercussion.  But I am grateful to be learning the value in conflict and the gift of suffering.  Is there needless suffering?  I don't know.  But I do know that affliction is not only valuable, but necessary for growth.

There is a dangerous trap that I am guilty of falling into when facing adversity, and that is getting stuck in the pain and struggle.  I am learning the value of sitting with the sorrow, facing the hurt and pain, but moving on with the lessons that accompany them instead of indulging the self-pity or getting swallowed by the  grief.  To know sorrow and loss is to truly feel and value joy and connection.  To experience pain is to revel in freedom and pleasure.  To acknowledge hurt and allow tears is to possess humor and laugh with abandon.  Opposition is truly a gift - if I can accept it.

I no longer pray for an easier life, but express my gratitude for the life that I have.  I no longer pray for an end to suffering, but rather that I am able to endure it with grace and move on.  My greatest hope is to complete this life with as much grace and gratitude as possible.

Find your way back

I have been on a spiritual journey for the past ten years, finding what I believe, and discovering how to express and articulate my spirituality in a meaningful way.  This has involved navigating the beliefs I have inherited from my family, ancestors and community, as well as negotiating my thoughts and feelings around questions like "why am I here," and "does God really exist."

For some reason, I have thought that the answers to life's questions are somewhere "out there."  I have searched for answers from people I consider to be spiritual masters, psychics, trainings and seminars, friends, strangers, books, movies . . . the list goes on.  And, while I have received insights from many of these explorations, my biggest aha moments have come when I have been guided within.

I am grateful to be learning that I have the answers I am looking for.  I am following my intuition as to where to look for insight and information.  And what I am finding is far more than simply an inventory of beliefs and morals.  I am finding my place in this world.  I am finding who I really am. I am discovering that I am, as I have always concluded, not perfect - BUT, I am finding that I can be whole.  I am learning to embrace my light and dark, my gifts and shortcomings, my strengths and weaknesses.

When I really spend time in introspective contemplation, I get in touch with my essence, my core, which is love.  I am love.  I am gratitude.  Knowing that, I will go forward on this journey looking for inspiration, knowledge and guidance "out there," but going within to find my answers, truths and principles.  I am merely finding my way back to me.

Let me explain . . .

I am realizing how important it has been for me to be "understood."  I have this intense desire to set the record straight when someone misinterprets what I do or say.  I want to explain myself to people, even strangers, so that they can know my intentions and understand where I am coming from.  Two goals that have been priorities in my life and that are impossible to ever obtain.  I cannot control how others view me, my actions or my words.  Wow!  That bears repeating . . . I cannot control how others view me, my actions or my words.

A deep sigh of relief followed by a sudden sense of panic and anxiety.  I think that means I have a long way to go before I can fully let go of this one.  Luckily, I am also discovering that gratitude and compassion are the way out of the trap of needing to be understood.

This lesson has been presenting itself over and over recently.  I think the Universe is encouraging me to finally get this one!  Anyway, the first thing that I learned is important is to get clear with what my intentions truly are.  Once I am clear, it is helpful to take an honest look at whether or not my words and actions have been aligned with my intentions.  When they are not, I get to take an uncomfortable inspection of my motives and truth.  Either way, it is beneficial to step back and see how what I did or said can be interpreted differently than I intended.  At that point, I can step into compassion - compassion for myself and my "come from," and compassion for the person I wish to explain myself to.

 I am focusing on being clear with myself and allowing others to have their experience of me, my words and my actions without trying to manipulate or control it.  I am grateful to be learning this lesson.  Do you understand where I'm coming from?

Finding the gap

That sweet second of repose between exhaling and breathing in . . .

A few small repairs

Speed has never been a talent I have possessed.  My top pace, physically, is a jog at best. Apparently my speed in spiritual growth rivals that of my running.  The important thing, (I keep reminding myself,) is that I am making progress, and even slow progress is progress none the less.

I am learning a valuable lesson - and this is where the lack of speed is really making itself known - about how I treat the people I love.  Evidently, I fancy myself as a handyman, a repair technician, a "fixer."  Those of you who know me might be asking if this is truly something I am just now discovering.  Yes, thus the  emphasis in the first paragraph of my lack of swiftness.

It has been my natural propensity to step in when I see someone hurting, struggling, questioning  . . .  I have thought it was just a way for me to give love and support, to show up as a friend.  What I am learning is that my inclination to "fix" things in the lives of those I love has been a burden to them and a hindrance in our relationships.  My intentions, however good, do not make it acceptable.  

By stepping in to offer solutions or alleviate pain, I have sent a message that the people I love are inadequate on their own.  I have added anguish to an existing problem.  These are results I never intended.  So, I am working now on seeing the challenges my loved ones face as great opportunities for their growth and discovery and my listening and compassion.  I can give love without giving solutions.  I am grateful to be learning, finally, that I am not only slow, but I am a poor excuse for a Maytag man.  I am going to stick with love and compassion and leave my toolbox in the garage.

Taking the plunge

For years I have been intrigued by the ritual of folks taking a "polar bear plunge" on January first each year.  It is a tradition that has baffled and fascinated me.  Why would anyone want to take a dip in ice cold water in the middle of winter?  I am an avid swimmer and absolutely love being in the water, but I have never been a fan of freezing, and that's what has perplexed me.

I have known for several years about the local plunge held each year and hosted by renowned artist Gary Price.  In previous years, I had considered going and watching the crazy people jump in the pond by his home in Springville, but never did make it.  This year, the event called to me, and one recent morning I woke up knowing that this was the year for me to take the plunge.  One of the best decisions I have made thus far in my life.

Stepping over and through thin sheets of ice and rushing with close friends into the murky, koi filled pond was one of the most spiritual, sensational, cathartic, exhilarating, awesome experiences of my life.  It was an initiation into the new year, a propulsion into the next phase of life.  It was a baptism from which I emerged energized, grateful, passionate and committed.  I have never felt so alive!!

I took away many lessons from those few minutes spent in icy waters.  Perhaps the most powerful message I walked away with is that the time is now.  So much time can be wasted waiting for circumstances to be better or perfect.  Opportunities are lost, dreams are unfulfilled, and goals are abandoned waiting for more amenable conditions.  Fear can stop us in our tracks, leaving us on the edge of the pond wondering what we might have missed, waiting to be brave.  The waiting is over, the time is now, I am moving forward.

I cannot imagine another New Year's day without a plunge involved.  Thank you Gary and Leesa!  Thank you brave friends!  What a great way to start off the year!  Life is beautiful, exciting and now . . . take the plunge!