Inside out

I believe there are angels, both figuratively and literally, among us.  I feel I am not alone in that belief.  I believe these angels sometimes take over the "shuffle" control on my Ipod for their own amusement.  I feel insecure about possibly being alone in that belief.  But, how else do you explain Pearls On a Chain by Olivia Newton John followed by Dialectic Chaos by Megadeth?

I got in my car the other day after a fairly gut-wrenching experience, and Phil Collins greeted me with the song Inside Out.  A few miles, a few tissues and a few songs down the road and Inside Out by Eve 6 came on.  Interesting.  That one got repeated because it is my favorite song in the world to sing along with (loudly and badly.)  After a Heart song (yay) and a quickly skipped Jonas Brothers song (don't judge me, my nephew downloaded it,) Inside Out by by Sara Bareilles came on.  I was definitely paying attention now.

Was I inside out?  What does it mean to be inside out?  Feeling discombobulated and dejected could be described as inside out-ish.  But I was interested in the lesson that would come from the message of inside out.  Then, in one of those instances of incredible timing, I rearranged the last sentence in my head to "lesson that would come from inside out," (complete with the aha visual of a lightbulb above my head) right as Sara belts "I'll give my love from the inside out, from the inside out."

I have been working that one for the last couple of days.  Asking myself what were the "gut-wrenching" parts of the experience, finding and questioning the thoughts behind them, and then settling into the lesson.  If I approach every relationship with arms and heart wide-open, I have the best opportunity to connect and share.  If a wide-open heart is met with hostility, pain, confusion, resentment, sadness . . . if I love from the inside out, it will not matter.  If I love from the inside out, I am not seeking the love or affection of another, I am sharing the love I create.  If I am loving from the outside in, I might as well put my "tender heart in a blender and watch it spin around to a beautiful oblivion."  Something I considered doing the last time a Jonas Brothers song came on.